The End of An Era (May 2017)

H O W I S L I F E T H I S C R A Z Y

H O W D O Y O U J U S T E N D O N E P A R T O F Y O U R L I F E

A N D T H E N S T A R T A N E W O N E ?

There it goes. Another incredible month. Another phase of life gone by in the blink of an eye.

Oh! How it goes so fast. I honestly am awe struck at how life picks you up, sends you flying in the air, propelled with joy, learning things, meeting people, embarking on experiences that are truly, by definition, experiences of a lifetime. And then there are little points here and there where it lets you back down, sets you on the ground, contemplating the next gust of wind you’ll jump on, ride, and inevitably rejoice in stronger, wiser, with more wit and inquisition than the last.

I am filled with gratitude. That’s all.

Every moment of discomfort, boredom, self-doubt, sorrow, guilt that we feel here and there, that’s not what fills us up at the end of a chapter.

What fills us up is gratitude.

I’m grateful for my friends, for my family, for the small things and the big things. The sound of the ocean at my window, burrowing my feet in the sand with a group of my best friends, facing a future that is undefined (still haven’t found a job yet) but nonetheless enticingly extravagant.

The trip Jackie & I planned for Jack and Olivia’s birthdays (surprise trip to L.A. and San Diego) went really well. Another experience with incredibly wonderful people for the memory books.

Olivia moved out of I.V. and is now living in L.A. – first best friend I’ve said goodbye to (although we’ve seen her every weekend since, so it’s not goodbye – ACTUALLY it’s never goodbye, what am I talking about).

Anyways, we have two weeks left in this paradise.

Gotta run and go keep enjoying it!


May

*The end of UCSB… The end of debauchery… The end of an era

*UCSB Extravaganza

*Jack and Olivia’s birthday weekend 🙂 Los Angeles + San Diego

5/1

  • Chilling out in the morning watching office with Meg & Kat on the bed + bed couch 🙂 feeling so comfortable and in love with this home… Going and doing some work, coming home and hanging out… Going to Dubs with the house + Ty + Shauna… Going to watch GET OUT with Olivia, Hannah, Nug, Aaron, & Bridget with snacks and beer and whiskey shots in the back with Sean + Drew :), biking home on the streets of Pardall at night 🙂

5/2

  • BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IN IV… More amazing moments hanging out with the house :)… Hanging out with Olive and Nug at home/doing “work”, watching DEAR WHITE PEOPLE, watching the rest of the series myself until 3:30AM lawl

5/3

  • Trying to do work in the godforsaken Psych building (so ugly and torturous), meeting up with Olive at the UCEN, drinking coffee and talking about career life, life itself and not doing any work (instead, trolling people on Facebook)… Going to the gym w/ Olive “OH god we’re actually here”… Pint night! Hanging out with Nug, Jack, Olive, Jackie, & friends… Going back to our house with Wu, Julie, and others playing games, 7/11 dubs then King’s Cup 🙂

5/4

  • Doing some work with Shauna on the honors thesis data (this sucks)… Driving to SLO to visit Grace for BIKE NIGHT!!! WOW SO MUCH FUN, hanging out with Miranda and Grace before leaving for bike night, biking all around the SLO bars, losing my glasses, meeting all of Grace’s friends, trolling people, going home and passing out

5/5

  • Breakfast burritos in the morning w/ Grace and Alex… Watching TV at Grace’s before driving home, getting home and making the final additions to planning Meg’s birthday brunch/weekend… Going downtown with Olivia, Jack, Jackie, Deena, Ben, Keegan, & others on the public bus :)… Drinking tequila in the parking lot with Olive b/c we are too cheap to pay for drinks (downing it)… Dancing at O’Malleys, Olive throwing peanuts at Jack & Jackie… Meeting up with Adam, Shauna, and Nug!!!!! Peeing with Adam on the street in a bush… Lawl

5/6

  • Waking up and putting on Spongebob for Meg… MEG’S BIRTHDAY BRUNCH! 🙂 Listening to music and getting ready together, organizing all the rides and last minute situations… Getting to brunch, BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS/chugging across the table with Nug, asking for more and more and more champagne, driving in Aaron’s car and dancing, BEAUTIFUL DAY IN SANTA BARBARA WOW… Going to Figueroa Brewing Co. and sharing the 14% beer with Meg… Going around downtown then unerring home, drinking more (Aaron + Drew taking edibles), playing die outside :)… FRIENDS COME OVER! Shauna + Adam + JACOB + IAN + all the homies :), drinking more inside before Olivia’s party, getting Sean and Meg to come, Sean sitting down and making me watch 10 minutes of a Star Wars trailer with him… HAHAHA… OLIVE’S PARTY SO LIT, everyone there, so many friends, running around drunk, making jokes, being stupid, slapping people, eating shit, stealing blankets, loving Jack and Meg, shenanigans with Jackie and Olive, dancing on Olivia’s table with 5 other people (Katie, Sven, etc.) and breaking it, yelling GET OUT! after Olivia gives her 10 minute incoherent speech… Being dumb and young and drunk and loving everything… Going home and hanging out with Bridget & Aaron, eating all their food & diving into Aaron’s flat top burrito, then rolling over and passing out around the family room table, waking up in the same spot in the morning… LAWL

5/7

  • Waking up in the morning still drunk, Bridget coming out telling me to hangout, everyone convening on the couch and watching a movie together :)… *This is honestly so so so special, living with your friends, being surrounded by people you love… Feeling hungover af… Biking/boarding/driving to get beer with the Davis homies, playing die (but not drinking, dear god) with Adam, Jacob, Ian, & Shauna… Biking around for a bit… Getting dinner at PMH, then candy from IV Market, then hanging out in Dublin’s and dancing around… Olive coming over after her rise from the dead, talking about how special all of this is, about Hannah, about our friends, about everything for an hour… *Life will never be like this again, enjoy it
  • ***I need to focus on the things that matter to me work-wise – which at this point is not school, if I am able to focus on the creative projects I want to then I will excel in these things (I always get my school work done regardless!)

5/8

  • Going to get help with the honors thesis data from Kimin, talking about my future/potential grad school (I should apply for Ph.D funding and just do master’s lol)… Driving with Ian to the L.A., talking about life, dropping him off at his car (love this guy), changing in Joe’s house without him knowing lololol, interviewing at Zenith Optimedia/making a fool of myself (making jokes that no one laughed at, feeling out of place in dress clothes/valet parking)… Driving to Pasadena/pulling over and sleeping/eating a soggy veggie burger after being honked at… Seeing Tenaya/Auntie Mary, sharing dinner, talking to Tenaya about life, why is it so damn difficult to find a job? A career? HOW DO WE LIVE LIFE goddamn most of the time I feel like everything is beyond okay, and not knowing is great, but sometimes I feel so clueless that life is a bit overwhelming… *I want to work at SoulPancake so bad… Staying up thinking about D___ and realizing that there is actually no reason to think about them that much, nothing is legitimately there and I don’t even know them, I’m crazy lawl

5/9

  • Waking up, sleeping again in Sierra’s bed… Waking up again feeling rested, drinking coffee/breakfast :), listening to music, printing out my resume to give to the Participant Media office… Driving for 1 hr to the Participant Media in CRAZY LA TRAFFIC wow someone needs to make a crash course on how to survive here, listening to the Adulthood Made Easy podcast about growing up/life/finances/everything… *Laughing at yourself and choosing to be happy is ESSENTIAL (especially driving in LA traffic, smile and wave at the peeps who honk at you hahaha)… Handing the Participant Media HR reps my resume and literally saying hello then leaving (they had a meeting) lol @tryingtogetajob… Driving back to IV, talking to Nug and Meg about everything, hanging out/doing some work 🙂 *I LOVE LIVING WITH MY FRIENDS… Going to the gym with Olive… Going to hangout with Jackie at Caje/fully plan Jack and Olivia’s birthday weekend, going through SO MANY TABS and accommodation options, finally booking San Diego + L.A. and grabbing jars at PMH… Going back to Jackie’s and making Olivia hangout with us, eating brownies and parmesan cheese… Watching Gayle on YouTube

5/10

  • Hanging out in the morning, going with Bridget/Aaron, studying at Equilibrium
  • Coming home to Nug, going to M Special w/ Jack, Jackie, Olive, and Nug for Fishpeople movie, instead just getting a beer and going back to IV (seeing Ben & waving hi shortly), buying into pint night (WHY hahaha)
  • Going back home and then walking to Olivia’s to smoke/watch TV, instead just talking about life and everything that astounds us (how you have to make friends again after college, how you are just a small bit of a story in someone else’s story… etc. etc.) 🙂
  • Getting home and hanging out with Bridget/Loy for a bit, gathering all my blankets and putting on a TV show then falling asleep instantly on the couch
  • *I am grateful for all of my friends, the endless number of people I have in my life to enjoy life, talk about life, complain about life (and any difficult person who might be bipolar and unfriendly), to laugh and smile and be sad about separation 🙂 I LOVE LIFE

5/11

  • Working on HHHumans at home while listening to the Millennial podcast… *Wow it takes so long to do the creative projects you have in your head, you have to find a persistence and dedication to flourish at creativity (creativity requires dull dedication just like anything else in life)
  • Meeting Olive at the Goleta lib
  • Going to the gym with Olive & Hannah, doing HIIT on the bikes 🙂
  • Bridget’s graduation celebration! Pregaming downtown at Bridget’s house on DP, shots on shots on shots w/ the gang (me and Meg downing them), running to meet up with the others who left earlier at Bill’s Bus, getting MORE alcohol with Meg for the group on the bus (why do I do this every time lol)… Blacking out… Dancing/being ridiculous, buying MORE DRINKS, drinking MORE DRINKS I wanna die… Drunk texting everyone and texting Olivia/Jack about being in my wedding lololol

5/12

  • Waking up drunk at 11:00AM and wanting to die
  • Laying around and wanting to die, finding out that Olivia wants to do the loop and the next day we have a toga party to go to (I want to die)
  • Going to Goleta library with Olive for 1 hour and just sleeping on the floor
  • Getting picked up by Loy & the house for Bridget’s graduation, going to Bridget’s grad and meeting with Shauna to watch Maia too – seeing Bridget graduate! Congratulating both Bridget & Maia afterwards 🙂 *I love my friends SO MUCH
  • Driving home and waiting for Kat to get water from Albertson’s, driving around the parking lot with Sean and Meg (I’m still hungover, everyone just yelling “ahhhasdadfj”)
  • Meeting up with Olive, Jack, Jackie, Deena, & Ben at PMH then going to Aladdin’s then Ben’s house 🙂
  • Watching Master of None on our couch until 2:00AM, me time + chocolate hahahahahaha 🙂
  • *I am overwhelmingly grateful for this life – every part of it, except for when I’m fucking dying from a terrible hangover and actually feel the years of my life falling off (but really, I love Isla Vista and all of my friends so much…)

5/13

  • Waking up still hungover from Thursday… Drinking Kombucha, going to the gym to detox, feeling better… *Wow being hungover takes a toll on my ability to enjoy life, I literally am BEAMING with joy when I’m not
  • Biking to Equilibrium to study with Jack, Jackie, and Olive 🙂 (I love my friends), smiling, working
  • Grabbing Blaze pizza and beers at Sam’s To Go w/ Jack, talking about life… *Jack is my best friend and I don’t want to part with him, or Olivia, or anyone else in my life, going to be weird when graduate in less than 30 days… :0/
  • Going home and getting ready for the Toga party with Meg and Drew :), going to Jack’s with Olivia & Ashley to help everyone get toga’d up
  • TOGA with Jack, Jackie, Ashley, Ian, Olive, and my house… Unlit (“we killed the party” lol), walking around IV to get alcohol in our togas, waiting for the new keg to come and drinking like scums — TOGA is lit again, everyone dancing/drinking, bands playing, dope girl singing covers — Olive crying at the thought of leaving in a week for L.A. — Ashley thinking about how life will never be like this again (walking to a party altogether from our friend’s house) — all of us smiling, holding arms, swaying back and forth — our whole group continuously doing the Spongebob MEEEHHH (repeat what someone says) meme… *I LOVE THIS LIFE SO MUCH, I don’t think people understand how much UCSB graduates loved their college experience – wholeheartedly, how much this instilled them with joy, never-ending belief in life, enthusiasm, passion, love… I love UCSB, I love Isla Vista
  • Going to Sven’s party with Jack, Jackie, Olive, & Deena… Dancing on our own in the empty room then the party going from 0 to 100 in litness level, drinking Kirkland light lol, oldies BLASTING and dancing our asses off
  • Going home with Olive and making lots of food then watching Master of None 🙂
  • *I am extraordinarily lucky to live amongst such wonderful people, to have a secure and solid trust in life that living will continue to bless us with miracles, daily joys, and unwavering gratitude… To think “wow” every day, smile every other minute, and genuinely love the people in front of me and around me. We are everything we are now, everything we were, and everything we will be – to think that this is over is too simple of a thought, this is forever

5/14

  • Waking up then going back to bed (lol), picking up Olive playing “Lovesick” by Mura Masa and going to Starbucks, studying with Jack, Jackie, & Olive
  • Talking to Mom while at Starbucks for Mother’s Day 🙂 missing home and family, studying more/good vibes at Starbucks, going to get samples at Costco w/ Jackie and Olive and making a platter to bring back to Jack
  • Going to the Rec Cen to swim with Jack, Jackie, & Olive, swimming then tanning then hot tubbing, looking up at the blue sky being simply amazed, thinking about how I want to make a clothing line dedicated to replicating our natural surroundings :)… *I can’t believe graduation is so soon… Feeling relaxed, right, happy – Isla Vista fever is a thing, just like island fever in Hawaii
  • Doing work on the couch at home, looking out at DP with the window open, listening to “tbh ily” by Chet Porter :)… *This is our youth, right now, right here – HOW. BEAUTIFUL. IS. THIS. I want to capture it, to express it, to celebrate, cry, scream… It’s all so beautiful
  • Going to the drive in theater with Jack, Jackie, & Olive 🙂 watching Guardians of the Galaxy 2, cozying up together with blankets, playing Lumineers on the ride there/home 🙂

5/15

  • Feeling off, weird… *The endless job search and constant rejections are making me feel worthless/confused/what the hell is life?
  • Studying with Meg at home, still feeling weird, seeing Nug
  • Going on a bike ride to the cliffs, listening to music, falling on the way there (on the pavement road leading to the cliffs) and hitting my balls while trying to find a happiness/graduation podcast lol… Biking, walking, feeling overwhelmed but better… Realizing that my unhappiness goes within a few hours, that my anxiety leaves with a simple bike ride and refocusing on the fact that I have so many loving people in my life and amazing moments to live
  • Showering and realizing that other people don’t have the luxury of feeling better on their own, that other people feel stuck, helpless, other people are actually stuck, without homes, education, social support… Wanting to help these people and living to dedicate my work to them
  • Making a smoothie for dinner, going to the Co-op with Shau and Ian to get snacks, watching Why Him? (so funny) and laying on the comfy ground eating too many snacks :), watching Girlboss, sleeping over
  • *I am beyond lucky to live a life where I can recognize what I’m feeling, and get past it within a few hours – some people are actually crippled with anxiety and depression, with unjust situations, and I want to dedicate my life to those people

5/16

  • Waking up at 7:00AM with Shauna, drinking coffee, biking on a beautiful blue-skied day to Caje to study, Mal joining
  • Biking to campus, doing some work at the terribly suffocating Psych building, biking home & putting on Netflix while eating lunch :), Nug coming home & going to Dogshit to “study” (really just taking a nap wrapped in a blanket listening to the waves)
  • Going to the gym, getting a call from Participant Media while walking to the MAC before starting to work out, getting dropped as a candidate… Surprisingly, being positive, happy, feeling good… *We have a choice in every situation, especially when it is rejection – to be upset or happy, so why be upset? I think we constantly believe that one thing will fix all of our issues, insecurities, or doubts (the job, the place, the relationship, the grade, the acknowledgement), but when you don’t get it, when  you don’t get the security you were hoping to hold onto – you realize that security and confidence and all of your dreams and potential don’t exist within a thing, they exist within YOU, and you are the only one who can overcome your anxieties
  • Studying with Shauna & Mal at Caje + free steak quesadilla + muffins + iced coffee :)… Driving home and belting STAY by Rihanna (just like senior year in high school), feeling sentimental… *These moments are so precious, there’s something about the end of things that make you realize how precious each moment is, that make you remember this every day with every year of life that passes by
  • Getting home to everyone playing Smash Bros and hanging out 🙂 (Aaron, Meg, Ty, Bridget), catching up with Bridget after not seeing her for a few days, going into Kat & Sean’s room and hanging out for a bit :)))… *I LOVE BEING SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS
  • Going to Shauna’s and sleeping over

5/17

  • Waking up to the sun through Shau’s window, doing some work with everyone else still sleeping then going back to bed tired… Waking up and going to study at IV Drip with Shau, going home and making a smoothie 🙂 + chilling out
  • Going to Cafe Equilibrium to study, Olive joining, talking about life/my anxieties about finding a job (after being denied from SP)/general life worries we all share, about how everyone is essentially in the same boat even if people seem like they have it all figured out… Grinding on the terrible, worst-decision-of-my-life honors thesis paper
  • Going home, playing Wii with Meg & Sean
  • Picking up Nug, Bridget, Aaron, Ian, & Sydney and mobbing to Zodo’s :), meeting Eliana & Mika, seeing Evan & Keegan & others, dancing, bowling, dancing
  • Going to Albertson’s to get a kombucha and dark chocolate chips (lol) on the warm night :), taking everyone to Taco Bell
  • *It feels good to do work, get things done, and play all at the same time – mental health at its finest

5/18

  • Waking up & going to Caje to study with Mals and Shauna
  • Commenting on Sara’s photo (who you met in Myanmar, who lived in Los Angeles) asking if she was still in L.A., making tentative plans to meet up soon… Julen sending you an Instagram DM of him listening to your Millennial Aspirations playlist on Spotify :)… *Oh, how the world is connected… How this life is filled with beautiful relationships, threads of human unification all around the world – this is why I love traveling, meeting people, loving people, you never forget the moments you had and the love only grows more precious
  • Taking our last midterm with Mals & Shau, laying outside in the sun waiting for Shau to finish, walking with Mals & talking about next year (wtf are we doing? We have no idea haha)
  • Stressed working on the thesis paper at Equilibrium, going home with 40 minutes to spare before Olivia’s send off dinner at Chili’s, going for a run and feeling AMAZING with the ocean right next to me… Going out to the balcony and seeing Aaron, Bridget, Kat, Sean, & Ty playing beer die 🙂 sitting on the deck balcony over the ocean :)… *WOW, This place is incredible, to be stressed and work relentlessly on something all day, and then get home to the OCEAN, FRIENDS, and BEER… This is paradise
  • Beng coming over, Jack picking us up for Olive’s send off dinner
  • Eating and drinking with friends at Chili’s, seeing Sven, being dumb and funny with Jackie and Ben/Deena
  • Drinking beer/hyping up me Olive, Jackie, and Jack to go downtown, Meg joining for drinking games at Olive’s
  • DOWNTOWN woooooooooo unerring with Jack, Jackie, & Olive (I love this crew), seeing EVERYONE and their mothers (not actually their mothers) at O’Malley’s, dancing with Paul & Connor, Shauna, Ian, and others getting to O’Malley’s… Dancing and drinking many many drinks
  • Ubering back to Olive’s and eating popcorn and spilling it everywhere w/ J&O
  • Falling asleep on Olive’s couch 🙂
  • *I am so grateful to have such a strong social network, so much social support, and a BEAUTIFUL life to live

5/19

  • Waking up on Olive’s couch, Jack walking out and saying good morning, getting a ride home (1 block away) with Jack 🙂
  • Going to Cafe Equilibrium to study, Shauna meeting me 🙂 beautiful day in I.V. :)))
  • Biking to campus and going to the music library to use one of the listening rooms for my phone interview with Clover Health
  • Biking the Goleta Beach route and biking to the cliffs with Olive, talking about life 🙂
  • Getting home to a house full of people 🙂 (Kat, Kat’s Friend, Sean, Wu, and then Bridget & Aaron)… *I LOVE COLLEGE BEING SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS AND COMING HOME TO SOCIAL ENVIRONMENTS ALL THE TIME AHHHHH
  • Drinking and hanging out with the peeps at home
  • Getting ready for a night full of parties (Ben’s, disco, Julie’s), sitting on the couch with a beer, watermelon, and in my bird pants… Life is the best and I am literally in such a comfortable safe happy place the best of places… Pregaming with Olive, Sven, the house, Rebecca, and JAN who is visiting from Boston (after studying abroad there)!!! 🙂 FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS!!!
  • Getting LIT at Ben’s house, walking around to different parties with Liv and others… Seeing Duncan for the first time in forever (he actually came to see me wow uhmazing)
  • Going back home and Hannah stopping by to see us 🙂
  • *I am very lucky to be surrounded by so many incredible friends

5/20

  • Waking up to the rest of the house :), biking to Starbucks & not doing work lol
  • Going to Shauna’s to see Ian for a bit, eating a donut and not working out lol
  • Going downtown to Fig & the Neighborhood with Bridget, Loy, & friends to met up with Meg & Kat… Leaving the group and walking to the ocean to wait for Olivia to have dinner with the Johnson fam, such a BEAUTIFUL day, thinking about how everything is going to change drastically within the next month… Another step forward… :’)… Calling Dad & talking for a bit on the ocean
  • Having the BEST dinner at Finch & Fork with Olivia, Olive’s Mom, Sven, and their family friends 🙂 – seeing Olivia’s mom talk about Liv & Sven & Bjorn, such a happy family :)… Getting Mcconnell’s ice cream afterwards… *I’m so happy I can be a part of this – my best friend’s families, such an awesome thing!
  • *I love LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE!

5/21

  • WAKING UP FOR EXTRAVAGANZA, GOING TO THE GYM WOW HEALTH & WELLNESS, such a beautiful day out
  • Meeting up with Eliana & her boy Nate out on my deck, going to Olivia’s house to pregame w/ Deena, Ben, Jackie, Jack, etc. etc. 🙂 seeing Gretchen on the way
  • EXTRAVAGANZA LIT, Jack turning up with me (shots + shotgunning) and taking half of a caffeine pill hahaha, me shotgunning 3 beers in the porta potty on the way there… Why would anyone just throw them out? Terrible
  • EXTRAVAGANZA SO LIT, seeing everyone (my house, Shauna & them, Ashley & them), dancing my ass off and bouncing around
  • Leaving and getting Blaze with Ian, stopping to see my house at Dublin’s, walking to Olivia’s to say bye…
  • Everyone sitting in Olivia’s living room, watching her eat, Olivia getting up and saying “okay it’s time” and everything pausing – everyone hugging her individually, Jackie & I tearing up, waving goodbye at her door… *Saying goodbye to your best friends is a hard, heart wrenching, crazy part of life
  • Unexpectedly not being able to handle the goodbye, or the thought of saying goodbye to everyone else in a month, the thought of not waking up to my best friends or seeing them every day… Crying and sounding like a pig, walking around IV and to the cliffs, walking around the lagoon… Actually sobbing hahahaha wtf, calling Halley & kind of talking for a bit… Calling Aaron & talking (not about how hard the goodbyes are, just catching up) and feeling instantly better – subconsciously realizing I had not talked to my brother in so long, but we are family, as are me and my best friends… Running into Halley & Hannah & Sunna on the way, getting a ride home from Hannah 🙂
  • Having a rest night with Shauna & Ian, going to the Co Op for snacks and then watching a movie together… *I am SO SO SO lucky to have best friends in my life that surround me, and support me through everything (even saying goodbye to another best friend), I am so fortunate and loved and am grateful for every person I know
  • *The meaningful relationships I have in my life give me so much joy, education, and growth that will never falter or be outweighed by the sorrows of parting – it’s all another signal of how great things are and have been

5/22

  • Waking up with Shauna, laying in bed, sleeping more… Getting up & making breakfast for Ian, chilling out
  • Meeting Shauna at Java & doing some work
  • Going to the gym with Jack :), walking home together
  • Having dinner with Shau & talking about how weird things are/how weird they’re becoming (graduating soon)… Staying at Shauna’s a bit longer and writing/listening to the Lumineers
  • Going home to hangout w/ Bridget & Loy & Nug, Bridget & Loy giving me kombucha b/c they knew I was sad about Olivia leaving! *I have such amazing friends!!! :)… Watching TV together/hanging out
  • *I am so lucky to know such wonderful people in my life, even if it makes the goodbyes suck

5/23

  • Waking up & doing work on the couch
  • Studying with Nug at the UCEN 🙂
  • Going to the gym with Jack
  • Going to SLO with Mals & Shauna, talking about life stuff, getting snacks at the Gas Station on the way, playing with Mals’ feet and my feet, listening to the Lumineers 🙂 I LOVE DRIVING WITH FRIENDS IT IS MY FAVORITE THING
  • Getting to Grace’s & hanging out :), going to Miranda’s to pregame with Pirate peeps, hanging out with Camille (she’s hilarious), playing the “word game” (giving someone a word to say at any random point in the night, if no one notices everyone drinks but if someone notices THEY drink… “Ointment”)… Going to PINT NIGHT downtown and seeing Chris!!! 🙂 Dancing around and drinking, going to other bars and seeing Mike/Colin/Katherine… Getting back home & eating cookies + nachos with DANK pico de gallo
  • *I LOVE ALL OF MY FRIENDS. ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. WOW. How did I get this lucky?

5/24

  • Waking up, going to get coffee w/ Grace & Shauna, driving back to IV with Shau in the morning and talking about LIFE — how crazy it is that you have to adhere to the system of things (work up a name for yourself) but also stay true to your passions along the way, accomplishing your dreams one by one… Talking about activism and what the world needs, how our generation needs to be more active in politics, etc. and also stop freaking the hell out about everything… General life philosophies, talking about Dallas & his life & his stories, about Shauna’s anxiety for her Ph.D program, etc. … *I am so lucky to have someone like Shau in my life
  • Going to study at Equilibrium w/ Shauna & Mallory… Two of the most attractive male human beings sitting across drooldrooldrool what
  • Going for a run, seeing the beautiful ocean, running along the cliffs, seeing Jack & Jackie 🙂
  • Coming home, Grace & Shauna coming over, spending time with Grace before she makes the big move to NY city in two days… How weird it is to realize that it is all coming to an end, and to be with a great friend who I haven’t seen in so long but spent so many of my early college experiences with… Taking pictures on our deck, looking at the ocean, talking, anticipating the next big adventure for Grace (and us, whatever it is that I’m doing), Grace telling me to move in with her over the summer while I figure out my life… *I AM SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE SUCH A STRONG AND LOVING NETWORK OF FRIENDS WHO OFFER THEIR HOMES TO ME (Loy, Grace, Shauna, Olivia…)… Grace almost getting towed by fuckhead ___, the three of us splitting the cost ($150) hahaha life is ridiculous and some people really suck (fuckhead ___)
  • Driving the house to ZODO’s for bowling, bowling and actually doing decent haha, hanging out with the house and making fun of a random frat guy with Nug… Seeing Duncan :)))… Driving Nug home & blasting Happy Violence – UCSB’s anthem from the I’m Schmacked video that I used to watch every day in high school :’)… Driving back a bit later to pick of the rest of the house, blasting RAC :), Meg being obsessed with a dog at Taco Bell hahaha… Sleepover w/ Meg in our room
  • *I. Am. So. Blessed. To. Know. So. Many. Good. Great. And. Loving. People.

5/25

  • Spending the day GRINDING on this damn thesis paper
  • Going over to Hannah’s to study, talking about life and the future, Ben, Olivia, & Jack… Grinding at Hannah’s table… FINISHING THE THESIS haha but it’s so long and bad… Biking home feeling invincible, ready to get fuuucked up lawl
  • Going to the gym w/ Jack
  • Going home & then going over to Jackie’s to plan for the birthday weekend, drinking a couple of beers… Going to BIll’s bus last minute w/ Jack & Jackie – whooo third wheeling with my best friends! Watching a group of friends pretty much have an orgy on bill’s bus… Drinks on drinks, meeting up with Aaron & the rest of them… Dancing with every1, going back home on Bill’s Bus, Aaron trying to steal a scooter but getting caught lolol, walking home & eating leftover Blaze pizza

5/26

  • GOOD MORNING IT’S BIRTHDAY WEEKEND TIME, cruising in Jackie’s car / picking up ices for Jack… Picking up Jack & giving him new speakers for his bday gift :)… Icing him 4 times on the way to L.A. hahaha… Meeting up with Olivia & Deena and going into the jank AirBnB that smells like gas lawl, everyone stoked to be in L.A. together… Ubering to the Arts District
  • DANK LUNCH bratwursts and beer 🙂 then DANK ice cream, hanging out and walking around looking at all of the art graffiti… Going to Arts District Brewing Co. and meeting up with Hannah, Rebecca, & Katie (surprising Olivia), everyone being together and enjoying drinks and hip vibes
  • Grabbing pregame stuff before going out, “no not soda that’s bad for you” (as we have 2 handles in the cart)… Getting back to the Airbnb, playing music, hanging out, dancing 🙂 Hannah being a sav as usual, me making people drink as usual
  • Going out in the Arts district – hip bars, Katie trying to drunkenly fix my glasses but making it worse lololol, ubering to other places, taking more shots, dancing
  • Sleeping on a jank sofa bed, Olivia sleeping on couch cushions wrapped in bath towels LOLOLOL

5/27

  • Breakfast with the fam, dank cookies & smoothies & surprising Jack and Olivia with chocolate chips spelling out “San Diego”!
  • Driving to San Diego, talking with Katie about life and stuff, sprawling out my legs one on Jack’s side one on Jackie’s 🙂 going to be weird being around new people next year who aren’t as comfortable with my desire to cuddle with my friends
  • Stopping at pizza brewing co in San Clemente, going down to the pier/beach and being amazed at how BEAUTIFUL it is, I want to retire in a beach town… Taking pictures & drinking more coffee
  • Getting to Ocean Beach, dope hostel!!! Eating dope burritos, grabbing some beers, standing on the rooftop watching the sun set :), giving jack my shirt b/c he’s cold
  • Pregaming at the hostel before going out, shots shots shots… Lame bar crawl lol, Olivia trying to Uber to Tijuana and only me and Jack being down… UBER RIDE with the AFGHANISTAN MCAT STUDENT and computer science brother *We are so fortunate to be privileged and live such an easy life…  PB dancing, buying everyone drinks because I like to spend money on other people goddamn, but I love it
  • *I LIKE TO GIVE TOO MUCH but I regret nothing, I will never think of how much money I would have if I didn’t give or spend money on the people I love because it makes me happy – when else will you get to treat your college friends to things? You never know when you’ll next see them… Although I do b/c these are my best friends and they are amazing

5/28

  • Wakey wake shakes shakey, waking up in the Ocean Beach hostel with my friends around me :), going downstairs to the open patio for breakfast! Coffee + friends, Jack and Jackie walking in looking hungover AF hahahahahahahahaha
  • Going to the beach together, sprawling out on this terrific, amazing day… Wow… I am so lucky :), laying and reading and listening to music
  • Calling mom for her birthday & wishing her an HBD :), I am so lucky to have been given so much in this life by my loving, nurturing parents… Talking about life, and then Aaron & Dad… *I enjoy so much in this life, every day, I get too see so much, learn so much, experience so much, grow so much, and challenge myself to every capability I wish to – all because of my parents, my family, the circumstances I was born into and the situations I was pushed towards. I can NEVER forget the responsibility I have to take care of my family, to contribute and be present, to actively make sure that they have good lives as did they for me
  • Walking around PB, getting beers and burgers and bringing it back to the hostel patio :), enjoying lunch + candy + beer with MY BEST FRIENDS I want this all the time… Showering & getting ready to go to Old Town and other places for brewery hopping
  • Getting brews & grilled cheese at Modern Times! I love Katie, Olivia, Jack, Jackie, and Rebecca to no end
  • Grabbing more brews and then dinner at the Carnitas restaurant, then walking to a different bar/Olivia getting ice cream after saying she was “so full” hahaha
  • Ubering home tired AF, going downstairs to the hostel patio to hangout (Olivia, Jack, Jackie, & me), sprawling out, laying on Jack, everyone cozy and together :), Katie coming and laying on me, snuggling with Jackie of All Trades… I love my friends so much, so so so much

5/39

  • Waking up & going down for breakfast w/ Jackie, Jack, Rebecca, & Olive, talking to some of the other folks at the hostel (Europeans, Taiwanese) and remembering HOW MUCH I LOVE EXPLORING AND TRAVELING AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE AND LOVING PEOPLE AND LOVING THE WORLD AND DISCOVERING JOY AT EVERY CORNER OF THIS EARTH… 🙂
  • Driving home, stopping in Culver City for lunch at a Mediterranean restaurant, walking to Coolhaus for DANK ice cream sandwiches, meeting Jack’s friend from home
  • Happy on the drive home 🙂 smiling at Rebecca
  • Getting home tired AF, but then immediately going to Dub’s to hangout with Nug, Aaron, & Bridget 🙂
  • Going to watch the sunset with Bridget & Aaron, laying in the soft soft soft sand, watching the beautiful waves, mountains, & horizon… 🙂

5/30

  • Laying in our house on the couch, watching the design series on Netflix, doing nothing lawl
  • Going for a run in beautiful cloudy IV, on Sands 🙂
  • Interviewing at Surf Media, not really sure if it’s a good fit… *I have such big dreams but don’t know what is settling, what is pursuing, what is simply stalling
  • Going out to dinner at Zen Yai downtown for Olivia’s birthday :), driving with Jack, Jackie, & Deena… Loving my friends so much! (Jack, Katie, Jackie, Deena, Olive)
  • Getting home and feeling sad, why? I don’t really know or remember… Processing the fact that we’re all leaving, graduation, not knowing, loneliness, blah blah blah — taking some time to myself and watching Love Actually (the best movie in the world), Bridget coming over drunk hahaha & talking for a bit
  • *To an extent, we always have a choice – there is no reason anyone should feel miserable, sad, or inadequate. There is ALWAYS so much going for us, so much we have to appreciate. The fact that no one else would expect us to feel miserable is a marker that we don’t need to. Sure, we will at times, but if we can remember that it’s simply an experience, that it passes, and that the moments where we know who we are, where we cultivate joy, that is us, we can move forward smiling

5/31

  • Going to study at the UCEN, seeing Jackie and hanging out while she eats oatmeal hahaha
  • Shauna joining to study for a bit
  • Walking to the music lib to study more
  • Going to the gym with Jack 🙂 walking home on the beautiful, blue skied day
  • Doing work @ home
  • Pint night!!! So many friends, hanging out with Kat, Sean, Meg, Eliana, Mika, Jack, & Wu, Aaron & Bridget & Nug joining, seeing all the Davis peeps + Tommy and other friends from sophomore year (David from Rec)
  • Biking home LIT, watching some documentary on entrepreneurs on the couch lol, facetiming Nug at Dub’s & taking a shot with her, hanging out with Aaron & Nug, falling asleep on the couch
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Moments made of people and places, brilliant and ordinary. ↹ Planet Earth, Milky Way

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