This is late (as usual), but October was wonderful, and included some insights.
Many friend-filled memories, many college-typical weekends, and many moments of pure joy and pure distress.
I realized last month that I am not the same person I was the last time I lived, studied, and worked at UCSB. As a sophomore, I took on every opportunity I could – enrolling in every course that interested me and fulfilling an internship and two part-time jobs. I took 21 units each quarter, worked in three different research labs, and three different jobs (one being the internship). I was busy, and I was happy. I felt as if I was doing everything right, grinding in the office or in the library during the weeks and partying during the weekends. I was a college kid with an overloaded schedule, on the road towards a successful future.
All of these experiences were far beyond worthwhile, and taught me a great deal about different areas of work, time management, and self-health.
But the most valuable teaching all of these experiences gave me, including the job I just left (forgot to mention I left my position at Health & Wellness last week), revolve around everything I have not been doing.
I am beginning to realize that I am not the person I was two years ago. I am not happy doing a thousand things at once that slightly interest me. I am not happy being constantly busy in positions, internships, or course loads that challenge me to be someone created by the most rational, and ordinary paths.
It might be because the most irrational-seeming decisions I made this past year, living and studying abroad, gave me the most valuable, enriching, and exuberant lessons. I had time. A lot of it. To think, to walk, to spend however I saw fit. I not only took care of myself, but I accelerated myself, in learning, living, and pursuing the things I was most passionate about.
After arriving back to the university, with the school year in full-fledge, I realized this was no longer my reality. I did not have the time to pursue the passions I wanted to. I worked 25 hours a week, spent the others studying, and forced myself to ignore obligations in order to pay attention to myself and my friends.
I thought, okay, this is reality.
But then I thought, okay, no, fuck that. I make my reality.
So I quit my job. I am going part time at school my last two quarters, because I am already done with my degree. And I am as happy as I ever was. I am beginning to pursue the avenues that not only inspire me, but make me happy day-to-day: video, photo, creative engineering.
The whole world seems full of opportunity again, opportunities that inspire me. And that is exactly the reality I wish to live.
Aside from the somewhat-major realizations and decisions, the people in my life are still splendid, and the experiences phenomenal. I think to myself, I’ll miss this in the future. But at the same time, I’ll be enjoying it in the future as well.
Highlight? Being at an amazing university, living right on the beach, with wonderful friends. Here’s to the days and months to come.
Oct o b e r 🗣
- House time + Cold Water Canyon steak sandwiches (but I got the chili… Chili was a bad choice), singing in Aaron’s car on the way back, sitting on the deck after going to the gym/running, going to Sharkeez for the raffle Nug won! So much free shit, appetizer trays, jello shots, champagne flowing, and 2 for 1 shark bowls… Dancing the night away… Holding Ferg down at home with Aaron as he savagely tries to kill us & Ferg lighting Aaron on fire (not really)
- Waking up with house fam, everyone’s dead, withering with Drew on his bed… Biking to Java Station and seeing Shau + getting a bomb free smoothie… Movie time with fam! The 4th phase (snowboarding Red Bull film)
- Getting home & cooking dinner, quick room workout, running out to the deck to watch the sunset and the whole house following… Meditation with Aaron & Bridget… Mean Girls with house (on October 3rd…), staying up doing homework with Nug while watching Parks & Rec
- Having a good productive day at school, designing Strategies Team meeting at H&W with Joanna… Coming home to Drew watching the pitch on how we’ll colonize Mars, dancing around with Drew & peng & sumo
- Haircut at the SBCC place… Coming home to Meg a degs & Sean & Cat & Aaron, getting PMH beer with Sean & Cat after doing some work… Presenting at H&W meeting for IV outreach with Lillian & freshmen cheering hahaha… Coming home and eating halo top ice cream with Meg while watching 70’s show with Sean & cat… Going to Rachel’s birthday to say hello with Mika, seeing H&W peeps and Gretch… Coming home to Rick & Morty with Aaron, Nug, & Drew :•)
- Long day of work for IV outreach, break from 3-9 before the event, coming home to Drew & Aaron talking :•) IV is fucking awesome, warm, lovely, alive… Running to sands for sunset, un-fucking believable… IV OUTREACH! I LOVE HEALTH AND WELLNESS AND IV AND IV OUTREACH WE LIVE IN A PARADISE, A PARADISE OF HOOD VIBES AND GOOD VIBES AND GOOD PEOPLE… Shoutout to AMANDA, MIKA, JULIAN, ABIGAIL… Heading over to Maia’s to sleepover and hangout, talking & watching Friends
- Waking up in Mai’s house, making chocolate pancakes, watching SPONGEBOB… Avocado festival with Drew & Bridget :), buying an avocado for a smoothie, a longsleeve with Drew, and a bomb cookie… Walking to sands & watching the sunset with Mals, talking about college and loving IV so damn much… Going over to see Alex & Olive, going to a concert on Sueno with mediocre singers and lots of balloons, going to a party at Daniel & Kai’s unit above our place with dope lights, going back to Maia’s & eating drunchies
- Hiking with Olive & Alex at Rattlesnake Canyon… Watching the final Hillary & Trump debate with fam & friends & sunchips from H&W (fly on Hilary’s face, whimsical African-American guy asking question, Carl asking them to compliment each other lawl)… Picking up Shau from airport… Watching Vimeo videos with Drew & Aaron
- Great shift at the wellness center doing homework… Being at home with house fam :)… Running errands… Coming home to whole house & then running to the deck for sunset with my first & new GOPRO… Meditation with Bridget & Aaron… GUAC from Aaron’s avocado festival avocado + TV + work
- Waking up to a happy house… Learning awesome things in neuroscience class… Biking to Costco… Going for a run… Watching sunset and meeting drew’s bro (Ian)… Watching tv & doing blog work… Wifi going out and not knowing what to do so drawing with markers with Meg while Drew and Aaron poof poof dragon… Playing catch the frozen grapes in your mouth with Meg Drew Aaron & nug
- So I spent the day designing my blog that was cool… Going for a run on the beach… Muffins with Ashley… Chilling with house… Puffing with Aaron, Sean, & Drew and playing video games, killing my chest in the process, mad munching, Sean being weird AF and scaring us before bed
- Good day at school & work, coming home to Meg asleep with Harry Potter on and most peeps home, watching HP… Going to Kyoto with house fam for sake bombs after H&W meeting, going downtown to Sharkeez, champagne straight FLOWIN’, getting home & sleeping
- Waking up at 11 hahahahhaha and everything is actually okay, the world did not fall apart from being a bum… Going to Solvang with Hannah for a life break, talks on the drive, walking around reminiscing about Sweden and freaking out at everything Danish, going to the brewing company & getting steins and sharing a dank burger, reminiscing about all the crazy shit we did abroad… Getting dessert & tea at a cafe before heading home… Blasting music and singing on the drive back… Going to Olive’s wine party, dancing and being fools, drinking lots of wine with dope appetizers… Going to Ben’s & running into friends (Collin, Mals, Gab, Jenny)… Walking home with a full moon in the sky
- Calling the homies all around (no one was free) to hike but being happy because there are so many homies! And people genuinely want to chill… Going on a solo hike! Getting home to Aaron & Bridge, chilling at home, playing 7-11 dubs at night with the house fam
- Solo biking to Java station and doing some work
- Having a solid Monday, studying with Mika for Diffuse Neuro Systems and seeing Eliana
- Having a long day at HIV testing event for H&W but getting free food & going to office hours with Mika, a little inspired about studying neuro immunology… CONCERT WITH SHAU 🙂 AMAZING, Temper Trap burned the house down, getting froyo after
- SLEEPING IN… DISCOVERING THAT SPROUTS IS RIGHT NEXT TO TRADER JOE’S… BEING WITH THE HOUSE FAM 🙂
- FIRST TEST SINCE BEING BACK FROM SWEDEN! :)… An overwhelming but amazing day at work, with Justin’s much needed note (water bottle pass down), and a super successful strategies meeting/equalizing work… Studying and chilling at home with the house
- House fam hyped for the triathlon as am I (wish I could have planned to go ahead of time 😊 so stoked for them), dropping off the crew for their train down to SD… Cleaning the house!… Hanging out with Han, getting Lilly’s tacos with Jack & Han, drinking with Jack, Hannah, Sunna, and Rebecca & Elise… Going to Kesem party and seeing old friends, whisky shot with the #1 chiller… BEN’S BIRTHDAY BASH FT. MANY FUNKY PANTS, MANY DHS HOMIES, AND MANY MANY FRIENDS… Talks on the balcony w/ B dog, talks on the couch w/ Matt, talks all around, Halley & Joe, everybody in the entire world… Losing my keys and getting them back from the Kesem house hahahaha I suck… Walking all the way to storke…………. Realizing and then sprinting back to DP… Finding Jack & Shauna at my house waiting, oh the life
- Waking up & going to Cajun kitchen downtown with Han & Jack, Halley meeting us and going to the beach & napping, going home & doing work then going on a run with Shau… Pregaming at our place for the UCSB CP soccer game, peeps showing up and walking over together – fam watching the game, seeing Ben & parents and saying hello and talking for a while, getting back & new girl-ing till 2AM hahaha
- New girl all day + some homework + just staying in and eating snacks, talking to Mom by the beach at the stairs right next to our house, watching two movies & feeling up, long day of doing nothing and taking some pause time
- Having a better day than the last… Biking to my favorite study spot (Goleta Coffee Shop) and grinding… Watching New Girl with house… Studying at Starbucks w/ Olive, Jackie, & Han
- Biking around the IV golf course… Seeing the ocean. WOW, we live in a crazy place
- Biking to Goleta library/lunch with jerms… Biking with Drew to Social Psych for the second time lol we only went to class the first day, crushing the midterm… Getting back and watching the RIDICULOUS SUNSET with Aaron & drew… Going into the ocean with Drew right by our house, running to the cave, jumping into the waves… Studying… Chilling with Loy & Nug & Meg
- Heading out to Pasadena to meet Tenaya for KANYE! Loy and Nug being stoked, Kanye by chainsmokers playing as first song on shuffle lawl, cold overcast cool holiday like weather – or Halloween :)… Driving up & seeing the Pasadena mountains, good music (holla @ me)… Dinner poke bowls with Tenaya …………… Kanye west. Wow. Phenomenal. I can do everything in the world. Shook my core. Ultralight beam was a hymn of life and liberty and passion.
- Waking up in the Pasadena house Mimi and my mom used to live in, now a second home of sorts with family (Mary & Tenaya) :), music + English muffins in an empty house on a rainy morning
- Driving back to IV blasting Kanye… Applying for Princeton in Africa… Going to Olive’s Halloween party and seeing Alex, Jack, Ben, Ashley
- Ben stopping by for his birthday gift, Ashley stopping by, heading over to a day party on Pasado, seeing all the friends – IAN!… Stopping by Mal’s house and then getting Rosarito’s for dinner… Going home & drinking more with Drew while watching Mad Men… Heading to Courtney’s and seeing H&W fam and Justin, Bill’s Bus to Neighborhood bar… Good times w/ Sunna, getting too turnt… Going back on Bill’s Bus alone, making rando friends dancing on the ride back hahahahaha
- Waking up, gloomy hungover Sunday morning, everyone waking up in the house really late… Laying in bed being bums with Drew & Loy… Grocery shopping with Drew + rainy overcast weather woohoo!… Writing an article… Running errands w/ Drew & Loy… Loy’s bomb slow cooker chicken for dinner… Hot tubbing with the house fam in neigbor’s jacuzzi OVER THE FUCKING OCEAN / planning awesome things (Friendsgiving, Christmas party)
- Realizing at work that I wasn’t giving the appreciation I wanted to, to those around me… Getting home and writing letters, seeing Drew… Going to CorePower kill-me-wtf yoga with Hannah, Jack, & Jackie… Getting home & then going to Co-op with Shau to get snacks and Kombucha, nice workers… Stopping by Gabby’s and saying hi to Mals, Gab, Melissa… Watching DOPE such a good movie and seeing Mai for a bit… Getting home to muffins! And Meg & Drew watching a movie
- Diffuse Neuro Systems class…. Rat research is so UNETHICAL, to knock out genes and mess with their general biology wtf, imagine if there was some larger form of species that bred humans to simply be tinkered with and left to die, there is no way of telling how we felt or experienced that Inhumane form of slavery – they might not have the ability to sense our emotional functions or experience, AS WE DON’T FOR OTHER ANIMALS. Fuck science (to an extent)
- Wow I was so young/naive my first years in college. I tried so many things! So many different classes, even a hip hop dance class lol and I found a little studio and did my own practice one time, even found a break dance gig wtf that was my sophomore year lolol
- LIVING ON MARS
- Neurocellular research is literally just breeding and killing animals… What dignifies us to do this? Animal slavery? And we claim that we are against slavery itself? What the ****